Love is like oxygen
by stelenaarelovely
Summary: Set in and shortly after 4x23: "You get too much you get too high .Not enough and you're gonna die"


_Hey guys _

_Since I turned out to be quite an unreliable writer aka too depressed to publish the last chapters of "Choices to be made" :D I´m back now and most importantly have overcome my disappointment caused by the events of 4x23. It´s not about Delena being together in particular. In all honesty I can live with that. For me, it´s about the way it happened and the fact that Stefan is being trapped underwater. Regarding to the phenomenal Beatles let´s say: "Let it be."_

_Realizing that we as team Stelena are the ones who absolutely have nothing to lose in S5 makes me insanely happy and relaxed._

_From this point of view, it´s been so easy to start writing again._

_But of course, in some way I am still a leopard who cannot change his spot, so this is about what would have happened if Elena chose differently._

_This is ought to be a short story including five or maybe six chapters._

_Hope you join in…._

_Lots of love, have fun_

_stelenaarelovely_

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_**Theme song: The Sweet – Love is like oxygen**_

**Love is like oxygen**

„So, you're saying that you don't love me…_at all._"

She should have anticipated that kind of reaction should have been prepared for this heartbreaking moment. It was as hard for her as it was for him. To hear and to review that all that they had gone through all this years, just wasn´t enough for her to be with him again _and forever, _wasn't a piece of cake nor was it laudable of her. But she knew about this tantalizing factor.

So, her crying as she told him the bitter truth could only be seen as deservedly. But as she tried to zero the lump in her throat out, she knew it was right, even as her voice was coming out uncontrollably and louder than she originally intended to. To vocalize it felt so different from simply making it up in her mind. It was…her personal coup and the moment of happiness that came in line with this realization overlay the sound of his heartbreak for short.

"I didn't say, I don't love you…" Just like his brother, the most remarkable body part of him were his eyes. Two orbs of dark blue Arctic see were staring at her wildly impregnated by the thorn of rejection. He reminded her of old Damon: Bitter and full of hate. And even if he had every right to do so, Elena couldn't get rid of the sudden thought that most probably Damon Salvatore would come out of this mess as the only one who hadn't learned.

And this would turn out to be on her not so white coat….

"Damon…." she tried again to step up closer to him. No one could tell if this was a smart thing to do or if it would help at all but what options did she have? Slowly she tried to reach out for his shaking hand. Never had she seen him shaking.

Shaking was a sign of unsureness, of fear and so many more human abilities that the idea of the elder Salvatore brother using this seemed somehow completely unworldly.

As her small fingers managed to grip a hold on his hand she´d expected his face to ease its tension but he only seemed more beaten up. "Then what you said beck then was a lie? A ted herring? A way to pacify oh so poor and pathetic Damon, not to mention your own hypocrisy…."

Within a millisecond she´d had let go of his hand. Just what he had intended but didn't want to happen at the same time.

He felt lost.

She felt numb.

His ice cold stare made her muscles freeze

Good. Her running out of thoughts meant he could keep the illusion alive

Bad. She hadn't meant to break his heart as she hadn't planned on breaking Stefan´s. But she did and she had. And nothing she would ever do in her now everlasting existence would ever give her the illusion of reparation.

On both counts she had been much more of a so called bitch than her oh so hated doppelganger. Some people might say that she wasn't but like so many other things that had escaped the fog of her mind and heart, she knew it better by now. Leaving the one brother behind to be with the other one out of love is even more abhorrent than to use both of them as toys. It may be overshadowing it but it doesn't change the truth that no matter how many men you´ve loved, retrospectively you´ll see that among all this smaller and not so small love interests, is the one: Outshining, pure and flatly not for denial.

Not many people are given with the honor of realization before it´s too late.

Elena had gotten this honor; unvalued if she deserved it or not she was wildly aware of the gift and her last chance.

"I love you Damon, I really do. I just…I mean…whatever road I took or what path I´ve chosen my decisions always brought me back right in front of him and all I had to do was embracing him."

A deep breath with the right amount of oxygen would stop her heart from slamming against her ribcage carrying away the memory of this one life changing moment then she had pushed him away instead of doing what had always used to come so naturally.

The air between them was heavy with meaning; heavy with words Elena didn't want to but on the other hand couldn't prevent. There had been a time. Even long before they actually got together in which he would tell her everything. Now while she had been the one to crack his shell was the one to closure it. Hopefully not for eternity.

"It´s not like I could tell you something. We aren't a couple anymore and we can barely be considered as friends, Elena." Damon flinched subtly failing in his attempt to demonstrate strength. I´ll take a time for him until his former mask of hate and casualness fit him completely again if ever. It´s quite possible to be branded by a few air blisters.

Too close to each other for her liking and too far away for his, was where they stood: Two lonely islands from which one had no compass to rely on.

"You can even tell me that you hate me, because that´s without a doubt what I deserve and a better torture for me than being punished with ignorance."

She´d only seen Damon this broken as Katherine´s rescue out of the grave had turned out to be a runaround.

"I want you to go" - Was all that he was willing to give her now in this very moment in his well-known Damon kind of way.

She didn't blame him nor would she blame him ever again she was sure. Because who was she to blame when she has so much to be blamed and accursed for as well?

As she made her way to the door she was being stopped by the words she never wished to be hearing by him. "I could never hate you Elena and I…and I never will."

Judged by the unmistakable cracking in his tone she knew it better than to turn around. He had put his pride and hurt emotions aside to show her that she had made him a better person; that he´d come out of this mess as someone who had learned.

"Do you think that Stefan will forgive you?" Us. He wanted to vocalize the hidden "us" but he was wildly aware of the fact that getting his brother back would turn out to be someway harder.

Elena's head was resting against the closed door as she tried to stifle her breathing and stopping her tears from falling. "There will be no me without him."

That was enough of an answer.

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**Authors Note: Yep, that´s the first chapter….and a Delena break-up. They really do love each other. But love is based on so many different facets…**

**R&R please**

**:-***


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